Mindfulness Matters: Tips for Living in the Present

“Mindfulness is the aware, balanced acceptance of the present experience. It isn’t more complicated than that. It is opening to or receiving the present moment, pleasant or unpleasant, just as it is, without either clinging to it or rejecting it.” Sylvia Boorstein

Sometimes, my brain feels like it’s not my own. I try to control the thoughts that come racing in when I wake up, but they bounce around with little regard for where I want them to go. Not now, I’ll tell them, but it falls on deaf ears. When this happens, I try not to let my thoughts carry me away with them. I may meditate, or I may just take a moment to take in where I am, noticing how it feels to be supported by the earth, and what sounds, smells, and colors I can see. Does it always work? No; sometimes, the thoughts still win. But the more I practice this skill, the better I become at being present in the moment. Mindfulness is a powerful psychological tool that can help you accept, study, and let go of the worries, fears, struggles, and persistent thoughts that cloud your mind, allowing you to feel lighter and more alive.

The best way to become more mindful is to practice meditation. However, even simply living more mindfully has its benefits. On my journey to become a more mindful person, I have found keeping certain things in mind has helped me make progress towards my goal.

Practice, Practice, Practice

One meditation session does not make you mindful. Mindfulness is like any type of exercise; with practice, you will improve. If you don’t practice, don’t be surprised when the worries that consumed you before come pouring back, filling your mind like static. You can practice mindfulness through daily meditation, or simply by going through your day in an aware manner. Try fully focusing on the task at hand, whether you are doing the dishes, walking home, writing a paper, or doing nothing at all. The practice of focusing on the present allows you to better ground yourself during those moments of crisis when you need it, as well as more fully experience the joys of life.

Accept Yourself

No one sits through a meditation session with a completely clear mind. Whatever creeps into your consciousness, whether you are thinking about what you will be eating later or contemplating your loneliness in the world, is normal and natural. A big part of meditation is accepting yourself without judgment. Don’t beat yourself up when you find yourself drifting away from the present moment; simply observe that these thoughts are coming to you, and let them go. For me, I will sometimes visualize my mind as a blank white canvas. Thoughts come in like splashes of watercolor, trying to draw my attention back to them, but I simply acknowledge them then slowly brush them away. Fighting with your thoughts only gives them more power; allow yourself to acknowledge that you have drifted away, then return to your breath and this moment in time.

Make it a Priority

Like any goal, you are only going to become more mindful if you prioritize it. You might finish this article, feel motivated to meditate for five minutes, then promptly forget your newfound commitment to living presently. You don’t have to be perfect, but practicing mindfulness on a daily basis is the only way to become more mindful. Whether you start your day with a fifteen-minute meditation or you simply take the time to check in with yourself and the present moment several times throughout the day, the more time you put towards this goal, the simpler it will be to access that presence of mind at any moment.

Make Room for Intention

These days, it easier to overschedule than ever. There are so many different things that demand your attention, your days may be filled to the brim with appointments, errands, chores, work obligations, and social engagements. You can keep busy for your entire life and never take a moment of self-reflection, and many people do, to the detriment of their mental and physical health. Avoid this by making sure to schedule more time than you really need in between your obligations to give yourself the ability to go about your life with more intention.

Listen Actively

Raise your hand if you have ever had this experience: you are having a conversation with someone and you find yourself so wrapped up in how you are about to respond, you have no idea what they just said. Mindfulness benefits not only your own health, but your relationships with others. When you bring mindfulness into your interactions with people, you can expect them to feel much more positively about you. When you are truly present with another person, you listen to exactly what they are saying instead of just waiting to speak. Focus on being with this person at this very moment, and experience more profound mindfulness.

Savor Every Moment

“We have only now, only this single eternal moment opening and unfolding before us, day and night.” Jack Kornfield

The only thing we are guaranteed is this present moment, so savor it while you have it. Instead of allowing your mind to be preoccupied by your mistakes from the past or worries of the future, take a moment to feel the joy of what is happening right now. Breathe in the scents that surround you, feel the warmth of your clothes against your skin, and appreciate the feeling of having someone who loves you looking at your face like you are something to be seen. When you feel joy, close your eyes and feel everything this moment has brought you.

I hope these mindfulness tips help you live more presently in your everyday life. It can be difficult to stay in the moment, but you don’t have to wait to start being mindful; in fact, the best time is right now.

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Should I Break Up With My Live-In Boyfriend?

Dear Ginzo,

I currently live with my boyfriend, and while I love him, I am wondering whether or not our relationship is meant to be. We moved in together basically because he wanted to move out of his parents’ house and my lease was up with my old roommate who I did not get along with. It was just good timing for both of us but now it’s been 6 months and I am not sure whether or not it’s something that I was really ready for or we were ready for in our relationship. He is a good boyfriend but not a good roommate, he’s very messy and he expects me to cook and clean for him like his mom always did. And anytime I talk to him about this, or really any problem we have, he ends up just becoming really withdrawn and sullen and won’t talk to me. I still love him but living with him has made me realize he is way less mature than me. It’s starting to impact our relationship so much I am just not as attracted to him. I am just not really sure what to do. We still have another 6 months on our lease so I kind of want to just suck it up and stick it out and see if it gets better before then and part of me thinks that I just want to break up with him.

The Man I Live With Is Not The Man I Fell In Love With

I’m sorry this living arrangement has proven to be so unpleasant. It’s true that you really never know someone until you live with them, and sometimes, you don’t like what you find out. I also understand that a lease makes you feel like you are trapped in the relationship because if you were to break up, you either live together in awkward (dis)harmony or one or both of you figures out a way to move out, which probably sounds pretty daunting.

But here’s the thing: Yes, figuring out a new living situation and finding a subleaser and telling all your friends and family and all the scary, frustrating, sad, and annoying things that go along with breaking up with someone you live with would not be enjoyable. But in two years, are you going to look back and think, “Man, am I glad that I didn’t have to deal with the inconvenience of moving. Thank God I stayed in that dead-end relationship!” It’s one thing to try to make it work because you love him, it’s another to stay because you are scared of change. If your lease ended next week, would you still be thinking about staying with him? Or would you like, “Hallelujah! To a one-bedroom I go!” If the only reason you are even thinking of staying with him is the lease, end it now. Don’t waste your time and energy on being with someone you don’t want to be with. You only get one life; why spend it with someone who makes you miserable?

Don’t waste your time and energy on being with someone you don’t want to be with. You only get one life; why spend it with someone who makes you miserable?

That being said, if you still love him and want to be with him, try working it out. Yes, I agree that your boyfriend’s behavior is immature, but immaturity is something that can change. If he has only ever lived with his parents, he hasn’t been smacked in the face with the reality of living with people other than the ones who will forgive you for anything you do because they created you. If you weren’t his girlfriend and were instead, say, a Craigslist rando, he probably would have had his toothbrush dunked in the toilet by now. It shouldn’t be your job to teach him common courtesy, but if you want to be with him, you will have to help him work through his ignorance.
This will be work. This involves negotiating, enforcing your boundaries, practicing patience, forgiving him when he forgets things/doesn’t do things the way you would, and being completely honest with him, even when he withdraws. If he’s worth the work, best of luck to you. If he’s not, in the immortal words of Beyonce, “Boy, bye.”

XOXO,
Ginzo