Using the 5 Love Languages for Self-Love

A few months ago, I wrote about Using the Five Love Languages During Quarantine. While unfortunately, this information is still relevant, as I was writing that piece, I found myself thinking of ways you could give yourself some love during this time too. I finally circled back around to that idea and compiled a list of ideas for how you can use your love language to give yourself love right now. If you don’t already know your love language, I recommend taking the quiz to find out

Physical Touch

If your love language is physical touch, this year has been rough for you, particularly if you don’t live with anyone you can be intimate with. Make sure you’re giving yourself lots of space to feel the emotions that come up for you right now. Though you might not be able to get the cuddles you want from another person, there are actually many ways to give yourself physical affection. 

  • Massage yourself. Massage is a wonderful way to give yourself some love. There are a lot of self-massagers you can buy (I personally have a Muscle Hook) but your hands are completely sufficient for massaging much of your body. I recommend using oil as well for a fully sensual experience. 
  • Sit in the sun. The warmth of the sun feels like the whole world is hugging you. Try spending time in the sun for at least five minutes a day (don’t forget the SPF). 
  • Masturbate. You don’t need a partner to experience sexual pleasure, and even if you do have a partner, there’s nothing wrong with touching yourself. Masturbating is natural, healthy, and fun. Now is a great time to get creative and experiment with new sensations, fantasies, and toys. 
  • Take a hot bath or shower. A warm bath may boost oxytocin production, the “love hormone.” Try making this a special event with candles, relaxing music, and a delightful bath bomb (my favorite local soap store has a wonderful selection of CBD bath bombs). 
  • Invest in a weighted blanket. This is an expensive purchase, but one that can be very comforting if your love language is physical touch. Lying under a weighted blanket is grounding in a similar way to being held by someone you love. 

Words of Affirmation

Luckily, no matter how far away you are from someone, you can still express how you feel about them. Even if you are getting plenty of words of affirmation from people you care about (and I really hope you are), you still deserve that love from yourself. Here are some ideas for using words of affirmation for self-love. 

 

  • Leave yourself love notes. I recently started writing notes to myself on my white board to help pump me up every week. It’s wonderful to have a tangible reminder that regardless of what I am going through, I can rely on myself to be loving and supportive. 
  • Compliment yourself in the mirror. You deserve to be regularly reminded of all your great qualities. Whenever you pass by a mirror, try giving yourself a compliment and see how it makes you feel. 
  • Write yourself a letter. Did you ever have a teacher that had you write a letter to your future self? This exercise can actually be a great way to practice self-love. Write yourself a letter, put it in a drawer, and open it when you need to hear some words of affirmation. 
  • Journal. Journaling is a powerful way to have a conversation with yourself. Try journaling around self-love themes, such as, “What’s something I love about myself?”
  • Try affirmations. The way you talk to yourself matters, and affirmations are a simple way to be positive about yourself every day. 

 

Acts of Service

If your love language is acts of service, it might be hard for you to imagine how to use this on yourself. After all, doing something for yourself isn’t taking it off your plate. That may be true, but you can do favors for your future self as a way to show love. 

 

  • Make your bed every day. This is such a simple way to make your living space more pleasant. Making your bed in the mornings is a gift to your sleepy bedtime self later.  
  • Meal prep. Meal prepping is probably the one habit that has single-handedly changed my self-care game (you can find out more about that journey through this piece I wrote for Workweek Lunch). Even something as simple as prepping your breakfasts for the next few days can significantly reduce your stress. 
  • Get grocery delivery/pick up. Some weeks, you simply don’t want to deal with the grocery store. That’s when delivery or pick up can be a game changer. 
  • Plan your week. I like to keep it simple by writing out everything I want to accomplish on Sunday evening and scheduling it out through the week, but you can do this however works best for you. 
  • Go to therapy. Therapy is an investment in your mental health. Whether you have a mental health condition or not, you can benefit from having a safe space for emotional processing. 

 

Gifts

The love language of gifts is about having tangible proof that you are seen. Gifts make you feel loved when they’re thoughtful, and this is true whether they’re gifts from others or yourself. When using this love language, it’s important to be intentional. Spending recklessly to make yourself feel better is not the same thing as buying yourself something that will bring you joy again and again. 

 

  • Invest in your health. How you spend your money reflects your values. Spending money on your health (whatever that looks like for you) demonstrates how much you care about your own wellbeing. 
  • Make a budget. This is not the most exciting idea, but it is impactful. When you know exactly where your money is going and where you want it to go, you can spend on yourself without guilt, knowing that you are living within your means. 
  • Craft. You not only get a physical gift from crafting, you are also gifted the meditative and creative benefits of making something. 
  • Save for a vacation. Or to any other goal you have. Every time you save towards a goal, you are giving a wonderful gift to your future self. 

 

Quality Time 

Personally, I have had a lot of time to myself the last six months, and through this, I have come to truly understand the difference between quality time with yourself and simply being alone. When I am sitting and scrolling through social media, that’s not quality time, the same way it wouldn’t be if I was with someone else. Focus on activities that make you feel closer to yourself. 

 

  • Self-date night. You truly don’t need another person to go on a date. Make yourself dinner, light some candles, listen to your favorite music, and you don’t even have to share dessert. 
  • Pick up a new hobby. When you’re starting a new hobby, you get a lot of great quality time alone to learn. 
  • Meditate. If meditation isn’t your jam, try simply being mindful during another activity, like eating, dancing, or cooking. 
  • Schedule rest. It’s easy to get caught up in people-pleasing, to-do lists, and the need to be productive. Actively schedule time for rest so you can enjoy some stress-free time for yourself. 

 

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